Careless Goddess

It was the first day of my 8th standard class. I had missed the school bus, as a result of which I was 2 hrs late. When I reached school I saw two huge queues of 10th standard seniors. I didn’t know what the queue was for & was casually scanning all my female seniors. It was a pretty depressing sight, really. None of them promising enough to become the next Miss India or something. As I was about to go towards my class, I saw her. Probably, she was a new student; otherwise I would have seen her before. She had joined one of the queues & she, was an angel, period. She definitely was going to be crowned Miss Universe one day, I was sure of it. My heart was pumping like a faulty Bajaj scooter engine. I had to marry her, I had to!
 
I stood in the other queue, as I was too scared to stand behind her. I knew my heart couldn’t take it & burn out, if I stood too close to her. I had eyes only for her. I absorbed all her smiles, her postures, her gestures, her strokes of hair, the way her eyes sparkled. It was as if God had answered all my prayers in one magnificent work of art. I was so happy just looking at her…
 
She showed some receipt to the guy in the school office window, she smiled, thanked him & left the queue. I followed her to the school canteen. Even though I ate 8 Rotis only an hour ago, I ordered what she had ordered- Rava Idli. I took a chair, which provided a great view of her face. I munched down the Idli, with my eyes fixated on her eyes. She had the biggest, liveliest blue eyes I had ever seen. I saw myself drowning in those eyes. She had completely ruined me- and I loved every minute of it!
 
She then went to the ice cream parlor. I had to start a conversation with her. The agony was too much to bear. My heart had started pumping some poisonous acid throughout my body & I couldn’t take it. I went to her & stammered, “Excuse me…”
 
“Yes” she said, looking at me.
 
Oh god, she is looking at me with those deep blue eyes. How do men talk with her if she looked at them like that, with those eyes!
 
“Uh…” I said, “Aren’t you Arjun’s little sister?”
 
“Are you Arjun?” she laughed wildly, “Dude, that’s the lamest pickup line I heard in years!”
 
I was confused. “What’s a pick up line?” I asked in all innocence.
 
She looked at me for a few seconds & said “Haven’t you been following me for an hour or so?”
 
“No! I was just, I was just…” I stammered, “I thought you were the most beautiful girl… and I thought I’ll never get to see a girl like you again!” I felt her eyes on me, my whole body was turning red & it was electrifying. It was as if I was sitting on the electric chair & about to be executed!
 
She smiled & said, “Now, that’s a pick up line!”
 
We then went to ice cream parlor & I treated her to a chocolate delight. Technically, that was my first date. She said that I was too short for her, maybe in 7-10 years when I was a surgeon or something, & tall, she’d consider dating me. I was dumped on my first date! But, there was hope. I had to become a surgeon in 8 years & find her. Yes that was what I was going to do. We talked & laughed. She was a really fun girl. She said she liked being carefree & wanted me to call her so.
 
“You are my Careless goddess!” I said.
 
“It’s Carefree goddess, boy” she corrected me.
 
The next morning in the school bus, there were 4 empty seats. I took the one near the window & my elder brother took the other one near the window. At the next stop, my Careless goddess & Preethi, my classmate, got on the bus. Preethi, who had a crush on my brother, sat next to my elder brother. So the only seat empty in the bus was next to me & my Careless Goddess would have to sit next to me! She gave me a smile, called my name & sat next to me. I felt the evil gaze of all the boys on me & I knew that the whole bus had grown jealous of me, and why not!
 
Careless & I were talking like we were old friends. It was one of the most enjoyable chats I had had in my life. My brother kept turning his head & made disgusting faces at me.
 
It became a habit; we used to sit together & chat non-stop. We had become good friends & spent a lot of time together. Even though she was 2 years elder to me, we had great chemistry. For the first time, I was feeling good since mom died.
 
One night, at home, my brother was being even more evil than his normal self. He kept pushing me & punching me lightly in the stomach whenever he got a chance. I just didn’t know why he was being such an asshole.
 
“Quit it!” I yelled, “What’s your problem?”
 
He looked at me with an angry face & said, “How do you know Miss Bitch of the Century?”
 
I was confused. “Who are you talking about?” I asked.
 
“The girl who sits next to you on the bus” he said gruffly.
 
“Ah, the careless goddess!” I smiled “It’s none of your business!”
 
“Goddess, she?” he mocked, “She’s a devil! You are not sitting next to her from tomorrow…”
 
“Who are you to tell me who I should sit with, you gorilla” I yelled. I was mad at him. I wasn’t popular among girls like him. Even the only pretty girl in my class seemed to like him. The one girl who seemed to like me- he didn’t want me to talk with her! To hell with him! He was probably jealous of me.
 
“Go to hell!” I shouted as I left the room.
 
He pushed me from behind. I fell down & I bit my tongue accidently. My mouth was bleeding.
 
“I said, you will not talk with that girl!” he said menacingly, “If you do, I’ll make you bleed everyday- you pathetic little worm”
 
“Yearghh!” I punched him in the face. That was the first time I hit him in my life. With that girlish punch, I barely managed to get an expression of pain from him.
 
He caught hold of my arm & twisted it. I was yelling in pain. My shirt was covered with my blood. It was my favorite shirt, gifted by mom just a month before she died…
 
“Let go of me, you selfish gorilla,” I yelled, “You can’t see anybody else’s happiness, can you?  You only think about ‘yourself’ & how everything should be done for you…”
 
He stopped twisting my arm.
 
“Because of your selfishness & cowardice, you lie & hurt others…” I continued, with tears in my eyes, “you hurt mom. Because of you, she died… You killed mom…”
 
He slapped me violently. I fell down. My shirt started dripping with blood & tears. He ran out of the room.
 
I was too mad at him & ashamed of myself to go look for him. Dad spent four hours looking for him but he couldn’t find him. It was 11 in the night & he was getting worried.
 
“Dad, I know where he’ll be” I said keeping the laptop in my bag, “I’ll bring him back in the morning”
 
I rode to the Tannur Lake on my bicycle. It was dark & I couldn’t see anything. With my flashlight on, I climbed the rocky hill till I reached the place where a huge flat rock was bent slightly. Once, when brother, mom & me were trekking here, it had started raining. We sat under the shelter of this rock & saw “Sholay” for the first time, on mom’s laptop.
 
I was hoping he’d be here & sure enough, there he was. I sat next to him & took out my laptop. He kept looking at me, so I said, “Just to clarify, I’m not Dipika Padukone, if you are mistaken because of the dark. So stop staring me & let’s see Sholay, you stupid gorilla…” & hugged him tightly. His tears were soaking my shirt. For the first time, I realized that he was the one who suffered the most after mom’s death. He felt left out & lonely & that was the worst of all the feelings… And I was partly responsible for that.
 
“Will you stop crying & ruining my favorite shirt!” I teased & hugged him harder.
 
“Do you think we’ll see a shooting star tonight?” he asked in a muffled voice, “I have a wish…”
 
“Yes, we might see a shooting star, but we don’t need it anymore… ” I said, “your wish is already granted…”
 
We watched the movie & went home at 3. Dad was waiting for us outside the house, with tears in his eyes. We both hugged him & said we were sorry.
 
The next day, I went to school sleeping next to my gorilla brother in the school bus & I never spoke with Careless Goddess, my first love, again.