Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

All my life, I always found myself doing the exact same thing my friends were doing. They went to some random school- I followed them there. They decided that they needed tutoring- so did I. They decided to play cricket- and so did I. They started liking pretty girls- and surprise surprise, I too started liking girls, the prettier ones. I could have liked the so the called ugly ones- but my friends didn’t like them, and hence, I had to dislike them too. I was just another sheep among the herd.

On hearing this particular “funny” comment of mine, my mom talked me into agreeing to marry some pretty girl. Obviously, most of my self-professed sane friends had taken up the herculean task of marrying- and I had to follow suit. I didn’t find this funny at all!

My mom said that, like I never used to be alone, and preferred combined studies for all the Home-Works the teacher used to give me, for all the exams I used to prepare for; in the same way I needed combined effort to do all the Home-Work of washing vessels and for the all the exams I’ll be facing in my Life- I would need somebody… I needed to combine my efforts with a great girl… Just like the rest of my friends.

But I knew in my heart that I was not like my most friends. I never made quick decisions like them. I was never in a hurry. I enjoyed my food slowly. I liked to talk slowly. I enjoyed slow, old movies, not the new racy raunchy thrillers. I liked playing chess slowly- I hated the rapid chess players more than cleaning my room. I was slow in my emotions- and I was slow in understanding my own emotions. I never immediately knew how to feel in the big moments of life- I was emotionless for the first ten minutes, as I witnessed India winning the T20 World Cup. So you can imagine, I did not know how I should feel or say in one very alien situation like this- meeting some random girl, the village match-maker had chosen for me.

I was quietly sitting, confused, trying to keep a smile on my face and understand the environment around me. I felt charged emotions around me- expectations, anxiety, fear, joy and love. I had only seen the girl’s photo so far and now I was looking at her feet. I was too shy to look straight in her eyes.

My mom stroked my hair gently- “Look at her! Silly Boy!”

Everybody around me laughed, including her. I could distinguish her young lively merry laughter from all the many old dry mirth. There was no ridicule in her voice- perhaps just a little bit of curiosity. She wasn’t worried about this whole situation as much as I was. This may not be her first time, like it was mine, I concluded.

I slowly raised my head, capturing in my mind the dazzling Mysore silk and gold ornaments covering her beautiful body. I never thought about this before- looking at a girl, and looking for a soul-mate. I had never done this. But now in this moment of grandeur, I felt that my eyes were looking at a goddess of grace, of charm, of beauty. She was breath-taking, Love personified- and still she humbly smiled at my mortal gaze on her divinity.

I was looking in her eyes- there was nothing else I wanted to see. I had seen her sweet dimpled chin, her rosy shiny lips, the strange curve of her wicked smile, her long thin nose- I had seen them all- they were all charming- but her big brown eyes- they were teasing me, tormenting me- daring me to break the eye-contact & look anywhere else. And I couldn’t dare. She knew that I was at her total mercy. She realized this- her eyes were smiling- no they were dancing. Why were they so happy? How did I suddenly become so… so infatuated, with a mad rush of wanting to marry her? No, I needed to marry her!

“Well?” my mom asked.

I was too busy staring at that honey coloured goddess of beauty.

My mom held my hand, stood up and said, “Looks like he doesn’t like her. It was a waste of time coming this far… Let’s go son…”

“No! Mom! I like her… I really… really like her, really!” I hastily shouted in confusion.

Everybody laughed- including her. How I loved to see her laugh!

My face turned red immediately as I bowed my head low in embarrassment- this emotion came super-fast!


I soon found myself with her, alone, on a large swing in her garden.

“You realise that I have no say in our wedding?” she told me, frankly and much too quickly.



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I entered the room, slowly. I wanted to capture this moment in my heart forever- the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, LIVE, was sitting on my bed in an exquisite red saree. Ayyo! I sud suddenly felt like Dushyaasana- that saree looked super complicated. This will be a rough night! Ayyo! Evil thoughts! I quietly slapped my cheeks a few times- I’m a good boy. I’m a good boy!

“If it’s your wife, it’s OK! OK?” I remembered my mom’s advice in front of the punditjee during the wedding while tying the knot… Oh the embarrassment!

“Latch the door behind you!” said my brand new wife. I was brought back from that hell, by an angel’s voice- my wife! Wife! How I loved this word!

“Ye.. Yes Dear!” I muttered and latched the door as much loudly as I could. I felt manly- I took louder, longer steps. My chest was inflated- my back was straight and shoulders raised, I walked like a lion towards her with the manliest expression on my face. My huge moustache and my lips curled as if kissing the air… I was probably looking magnificent- just like I had practiced in front of the mirror for a thousand times in the past month! Che, if only I hadn’t forgotten that rose! I would have looked super-manly!

“Shall I sit down?” I asked her.

Oh Crap! What am I doing asking her permission! I sat down anyway, awkwardly.

“Wait wait… Don’t sit on the bed! Go sit on that chair!” My wife said pushing me away from my bed.

“Huh?” I was shocked!

“Sit over there, D-E-A-R” she said softly.

Hihi. HiiHiiiHiiii. Dear. She called me D-E-A-R! ME! Her Dear! I felt so happy! Happy Happy Happy!

I took the chair and said, “Dear!”

“Yes, Dear?”

“Call me, D-E-A-R…”


“No! Like this dear- D-E-A-R…”

“Not now, I have a head-ache, Dear!” She started giggling.

The classic husband-wife-and-the-headache joke! At least my wife has a sense of humor.

“You know my kisses work like an Aspirin?”

“Oh really?” She had an amazing look on her face. I’m so damn Lucky!

“Mr. Vijay in the village used to call me whenever he ran out of Aspirin Tablets!”

“What!!! You used to kiss a man!”

“What?! Oh! Ohh.. Hahaha… Dear, Mr. Vijay is our village pharmacist! So whenever he used to run out of aspirins, to sell,  he used to call me…”

“So you used to kiss…  the villagers?”

“Oho, Dear, I was just joking! You have a headache na! So with my kisses I’ll cure your pain! Get it, D-E-A-R?”


I waved my hands in frustration and angrily said, “DEAR!”

“Do it again! Call me, DEAR!” she said.

My mood was back! “D-E-A-R!” I said softly.

“No! Not like some 6 year old girl! Like you’re angry- DEAR! Like that! Get it?”

“Hmmm.. I get it…. DEAR!” I shouted angrily and immediately lit my face with the Chlormint Smile. 100 Watts of pure White Bright Light!

“Oh you have crooked teeth!” she said getting excited.

“Just like Dracula right?” I hopped my head like a frog.

“Yaaaaaaa…. It looks scary… Don’t ever bite me with THOSE teeth!”

“Tonight anything is possible!” I winked.

“No! No! You will be a good boy and sleep on your chair! D-E-A-R!” she said giggling!

“You think I’ll sleep on this chair in my room on my wedding night?”


“What does Hmmm mean? Hmmm?”



“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” she started giggling again.

This was fun. Why did I not get married sooner!

Thud Thud Thudd. There was a heavy knock on the door.

I looked at my dear- “Dear?”

“Hmmm” she nodded her head.

I took my sweet time to open the door- I didn’t want to appear to be NOT busy on my first night…

When I opened the door I found a 11 year old girl, with the devil’s smile and a glass of milk.

“What?” I roared.

She just winked at me.

It was embarrassing. My face was turning red.

She winked again- this time with some sound effects.

I just took the glass from her and closed the door.

“Latch the door” asked my wife softly.

“Yes!” That little brat killed my mood.

“DEAR!” I shouted at my wife handing her the glass of milk.

“Ohhh my sweet teddy Dear is mad?” she asked taking the glass of milk from my hand.

“Hmmmm” is all I said and started giggling.

Married life is so much fun!!!

“Here, drink a little milk D-E-A-R” she said seductively, but in her act she spilled the hot milk on me.

“DEAR!!!!!!!” I shouted.

“Oh Dear!” she gasped and tried to wipe the milk with her Saree.

“Not with your Saree, Dear!” I pleaded.

Thud. Thud. Thudd. Somebody was knocking the door again.

“Go away!” I shouted.

Thud. Thud. Thudd. More knocking. Irritated, I went to open the door.

“You son of a… DAD!!!  What’s wrong?”

“Your boss has been calling you- 238 missed calls!” told my dad in his ever famous notorious voice.

“Dad! Ignore it… it’s my wedding night!”

“Work life is more important than new wife!”

“Give me the phone…”

“What’s that liquid on your clothes?”

“An accident…”


“She.. I mean, I spilled milk on myself…”

“Tell her to be more careful… it’s only been 15 minutes- and she spilled hot milk on you…”

“Dad, I told you that I, I, I spilled the milk…”

“Call your boss…”

“Calling right now…”

Dad left us and peace prevailed. Ten minutes later…

“Dear!” I cried.

“What happened? Teddy Dear?”

“I screwed up in office… While leaving office 2 days ago, I had triggered a regression and due to a bug in the script, a report mail has been sent to my account every 100ms and my mailbox became full. And then, all those infinite mail got bounced from my inbox to the mail server and it crashed the mail server… And they can’t even login to my account to kill the regression process coz the system is heavily loaded by the mail program and and…”

“And what?”

“I have to go to office now… DeAR”

“Oh Dear! For how long?”

“Don’t know Dear, but can’t be back by early morning”

“Teddy Dear.. I’ll come with you…”

I looked at her for a while… and said “D-E-A-R!!!!” and hugged her….


“And this is the meeting room where we do all the… huh meetings.” I told my Dear Wife while showing her my office meeting room.

“It looks very sophisticated!” she said.

“Ah this room is very special… Dear”


“Yes, this is the room of my first Kiss…”

“You have kissed before? Who was he? Mr. Vijay?” she giggled.

“DEAR!” I yelled.

“Ok Ok, I’ll rephrase.. You have kissed before? Who is she?” she said sounding all mad.

“No, not before- but now…” I said while I took hold of her and tried to kiss her.

We couldn’t kiss. Coz she was giggling. Non-stop.

“DEAR!” I yelled.

She laughed more.

“Oh Dear!” I sighed.

I finally managed to kiss her, my dear, but, it was three months later.

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