Dushyaasana’s First Night

Posted: August 6, 2010 in Humor, life, Love, Writing
Tags: , , , , ,

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I entered the room, slowly. I wanted to capture this moment in my heart forever- the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, LIVE, was sitting on my bed in an exquisite red saree. Ayyo! I sud suddenly felt like Dushyaasana- that saree looked super complicated. This will be a rough night! Ayyo! Evil thoughts! I quietly slapped my cheeks a few times- I’m a good boy. I’m a good boy!

“If it’s your wife, it’s OK! OK?” I remembered my mom’s advice in front of the punditjee during the wedding while tying the knot… Oh the embarrassment!

“Latch the door behind you!” said my brand new wife. I was brought back from that hell, by an angel’s voice- my wife! Wife! How I loved this word!

“Ye.. Yes Dear!” I muttered and latched the door as much loudly as I could. I felt manly- I took louder, longer steps. My chest was inflated- my back was straight and shoulders raised, I walked like a lion towards her with the manliest expression on my face. My huge moustache and my lips curled as if kissing the air… I was probably looking magnificent- just like I had practiced in front of the mirror for a thousand times in the past month! Che, if only I hadn’t forgotten that rose! I would have looked super-manly!

“Shall I sit down?” I asked her.

Oh Crap! What am I doing asking her permission! I sat down anyway, awkwardly.

“Wait wait… Don’t sit on the bed! Go sit on that chair!” My wife said pushing me away from my bed.

“Huh?” I was shocked!

“Sit over there, D-E-A-R” she said softly.

Hihi. HiiHiiiHiiii. Dear. She called me D-E-A-R! ME! Her Dear! I felt so happy! Happy Happy Happy!

I took the chair and said, “Dear!”

“Yes, Dear?”

“Call me, D-E-A-R…”

“Dear?”

“No! Like this dear- D-E-A-R…”

“Not now, I have a head-ache, Dear!” She started giggling.

The classic husband-wife-and-the-headache joke! At least my wife has a sense of humor.

“You know my kisses work like an Aspirin?”

“Oh really?” She had an amazing look on her face. I’m so damn Lucky!

“Mr. Vijay in the village used to call me whenever he ran out of Aspirin Tablets!”

“What!!! You used to kiss a man!”

“What?! Oh! Ohh.. Hahaha… Dear, Mr. Vijay is our village pharmacist! So whenever he used to run out of aspirins, to sell,  he used to call me…”

“So you used to kiss…  the villagers?”

“Oho, Dear, I was just joking! You have a headache na! So with my kisses I’ll cure your pain! Get it, D-E-A-R?”

“No…”

I waved my hands in frustration and angrily said, “DEAR!”

“Do it again! Call me, DEAR!” she said.

My mood was back! “D-E-A-R!” I said softly.

“No! Not like some 6 year old girl! Like you’re angry- DEAR! Like that! Get it?”

“Hmmm.. I get it…. DEAR!” I shouted angrily and immediately lit my face with the Chlormint Smile. 100 Watts of pure White Bright Light!

“Oh you have crooked teeth!” she said getting excited.

“Just like Dracula right?” I hopped my head like a frog.

“Yaaaaaaa…. It looks scary… Don’t ever bite me with THOSE teeth!”

“Tonight anything is possible!” I winked.

“No! No! You will be a good boy and sleep on your chair! D-E-A-R!” she said giggling!

“You think I’ll sleep on this chair in my room on my wedding night?”

“Hmmmm”

“What does Hmmm mean? Hmmm?”

“Hmmmmmmmmm”

“Hmmmmmmmmm?”

“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” she started giggling again.

This was fun. Why did I not get married sooner!

Thud Thud Thudd. There was a heavy knock on the door.

I looked at my dear- “Dear?”

“Hmmm” she nodded her head.

I took my sweet time to open the door- I didn’t want to appear to be NOT busy on my first night…

When I opened the door I found a 11 year old girl, with the devil’s smile and a glass of milk.

“What?” I roared.

She just winked at me.

It was embarrassing. My face was turning red.

She winked again- this time with some sound effects.

I just took the glass from her and closed the door.

“Latch the door” asked my wife softly.

“Yes!” That little brat killed my mood.

“DEAR!” I shouted at my wife handing her the glass of milk.

“Ohhh my sweet teddy Dear is mad?” she asked taking the glass of milk from my hand.

“Hmmmm” is all I said and started giggling.

Married life is so much fun!!!

“Here, drink a little milk D-E-A-R” she said seductively, but in her act she spilled the hot milk on me.

“DEAR!!!!!!!” I shouted.

“Oh Dear!” she gasped and tried to wipe the milk with her Saree.

“Not with your Saree, Dear!” I pleaded.

Thud. Thud. Thudd. Somebody was knocking the door again.

“Go away!” I shouted.

Thud. Thud. Thudd. More knocking. Irritated, I went to open the door.

“You son of a… DAD!!!  What’s wrong?”

“Your boss has been calling you- 238 missed calls!” told my dad in his ever famous notorious voice.

“Dad! Ignore it… it’s my wedding night!”

“Work life is more important than new wife!”

“Give me the phone…”

“What’s that liquid on your clothes?”

“An accident…”

“What?”

“She.. I mean, I spilled milk on myself…”

“Tell her to be more careful… it’s only been 15 minutes- and she spilled hot milk on you…”

“Dad, I told you that I, I, I spilled the milk…”

“Call your boss…”

“Calling right now…”

Dad left us and peace prevailed. Ten minutes later…

“Dear!” I cried.

“What happened? Teddy Dear?”

“I screwed up in office… While leaving office 2 days ago, I had triggered a regression and due to a bug in the script, a report mail has been sent to my account every 100ms and my mailbox became full. And then, all those infinite mail got bounced from my inbox to the mail server and it crashed the mail server… And they can’t even login to my account to kill the regression process coz the system is heavily loaded by the mail program and and…”

“And what?”

“I have to go to office now… DeAR”

“Oh Dear! For how long?”

“Don’t know Dear, but can’t be back by early morning”

“Teddy Dear.. I’ll come with you…”

I looked at her for a while… and said “D-E-A-R!!!!” and hugged her….

**************************************************************************************

“And this is the meeting room where we do all the… huh meetings.” I told my Dear Wife while showing her my office meeting room.

“It looks very sophisticated!” she said.

“Ah this room is very special… Dear”

“Oh?”

“Yes, this is the room of my first Kiss…”

“You have kissed before? Who was he? Mr. Vijay?” she giggled.

“DEAR!” I yelled.

“Ok Ok, I’ll rephrase.. You have kissed before? Who is she?” she said sounding all mad.

“No, not before- but now…” I said while I took hold of her and tried to kiss her.

We couldn’t kiss. Coz she was giggling. Non-stop.

“DEAR!” I yelled.

She laughed more.

“Oh Dear!” I sighed.

I finally managed to kiss her, my dear, but, it was three months later.

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Comments
  1. Aravind says:

    Brillianto! 🙂

  2. Rohan says:

    Made a nice reading!!

  3. hemi says:

    3 months aaaa?
    Eno idu sad ending? che…

  4. namit says:

    nice post..very expresive style of writing..

    do visit my post and do promote it if you like it.. 🙂

    http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=28218

  5. Suhas says:

    Good one !
    Keep ’em coming !!!

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