A Page from her Death

Posted: December 6, 2008 in death, Love, Writing
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It was drizzling that night. I was holding the umbrella & she was holding my arm. Even in that chilling cold, her soft loving touch soothed my soul & my heart purred blissfully in her warmth.

The violent wind turned the umbrella inside out. She was giggling. She used to giggle at the silliest of things. I touched the rim of the umbrella to make it proper, she held my hand firmly, a signal for me to stop correcting the shape of the umbrella. We walked all the way to home with the umbrella inside out. It was fun.

I was sipping a hot cup of tea & staring at a beautiful photograph of her, well, all her pictures were beautiful! She snatched the picture from me.

“Is the photo better than the real thing?”, she teased. I had to agree, the photo was nowhere near her faintest of charms. She was divine.

As I was lost looking in her eyes, she hit my head softly & burst into her volcanic laughter. I couldn’t forgive her for bringing me to reality, I had to grab her & torture her. She sensed my sinister intention. She began to back away from me, with a naughty nervous laughter. I tried my best to smile like the devil himself.

“No!”, she shouted & ran in haphazard directions. I got her arm first, & shoved her onto the bed. I firmly held her shoulders & pinned her down. She was laughing hysterically.

“Such a tiny frail beauty! She could never hurt me,” I thought, “but, then again, nobody else in this awful world could hurt me like she could & that was the truth. She could destroy me, without even laying a finger on me”

“What will you do after I die?” she asked. What a stupid question! But being with her, I got used to answering stupid questions patiently.

“I can’t do anything- as I’ll be long dead & in my grave” I smiled.

“Come on na… tell me please” she said. She wasn’t annoyed; she was really serious about this. So I had to answer her truthfully.

“I don’t know.” I said, “What will a man do if he lost everything… ”

Little did I know, at that time, that I was going to find the answer to that question myself…

A few years later, my heart was filled with the most violent of poisons, as I laid flowers on her grave. She had left me immense pleasure of a few days & many lifetimes worth of turbulent unbearable pain. I was lost when she died. Sometimes it seemed, in fact, that it was she, who was lost, not I. I had to find her & bring her back, to me.
But I did not know how. To find answers I had started reading, from Frankenstein to Time Machine, from ancient Chinese scrolls to African voodoo. I started travelling & met many people, both pleasant & unpleasant, and came to a conclusion.

From the inanimate elements of earth, forming a mass of flesh & blood, into a being, a being of greed & sacrifice, of laughter & tears, a being of love & hate, we live… till we die. No, that cannot be it, that couldn’t be it! Life is a cycle, isn’t it? Don’t we have enough examples to prove this? We take birth, live & die. But don’t we again take birth, in a weird sort of way? A Soul cannot die. It lives on. It has to live on. Through Rebirth! Rebirth was my answer. She never died; her physical body did, but not her soul. She took birth again. I only had to find where, & who or what she was now, or will be, in her next birth…

I felt that, to unravel this mystery of life, many lifetimes might be required. In my next birth, I’d completely forget her & start a fresh life. I didn’t like the idea of my existence without memories of her laughter, her touch, and her love… So first, I had to find a way to leave a message for myself in my next birth. I need my future self to understand my plan, my passion, my love & my pain. I needed my future self to find her & hopefully, be happy again.

The message itself couldn’t be a mere physical object, which would be localized to one particular place. There was no telling, if I would take birth in the vicinity of that physical message, or in fact, that I would be a human at all in my next innings of life.

There were too many unknowns in my quest. I continued my travels & met people who claimed that they knew the unknown. I met some thugs, cheats & many mad men. It was hopeless, as none of them knew. But I didn’t lose hope or my passion for her & tried the mysterious Bermuda triangle. There, after many accidents & near death experiences, I met John, who believed that he had lived for 369 years, so far.

“Why do you want to live?” he asked.

“To conquer life…” I said “& death. I am craving for the chaos in all my senses that she used to so merrily provide. I am longing for her gentle hug & make me feel alive again. She has deprived me of peace for eternity. I need to find her, again. All my senses are numb; I am really dead, without her. I want to break free from this misery…”

He looked at me for a long time & said, “Oh? Even if I teach you how to live, for eternity, I cannot tell you how to find her, because I do not know…”

“I’ll find a way,” I said.

He was interested in how I’ll find a girl after her rebirth. So he taught me his secret. He brought a three-day old baby & told me he’d transfer my soul from my body to the baby. He stabbed me in my chest with a long sharp knife & I fell down in a pool of my own blood. I was dying, slowly. He took out a very long nail & in one swift motion, he inserted it into my brain through my nostrils. I think I died then. He then covered my nostril with a special plastic bag & waited for my soul to free itself from my body through my nostrils. When my soul was completely trapped in the plastic bag, he passed my soul through a bottle of milk. My soul hanged on to the milk particles & he fed that milk to the baby.

My soul entered the baby’s blood stream after passing through the baby’s stomach & small intestine. I instinctively reached the brain of the baby, where I could see a grey liquid ahead of me through the red blood. I knew instantly, that it was the baby’s soul. I forcefully occupied its place & a shout of immense horror rocked my soul. The baby’s soul had escaped through the nostrils into the atmosphere & I was occupying the baby’s body.

Even in my new life, I felt unbearable pain, I was miserable again. The memories of her were chaotic sensations of pleasure and pain in my nerves. I was restless, in a hurry to find her, again. I knew that I was still in love with that charming idiot. I was, me, after all.

I opened my eyes. It was John with a plate of food.

“Eat it!” he shouted, “you sleep too much!”

“I’m,” I said looking at myself, in shock, “I’m not a baby! I’m me… it’s my own body!”

“You’re the only patient in this mental hospital,” he said with a grin, “who says that he’s himself & not somebody else…”

“John!” I shouted, “you took my soul and…”

“I’m not John, damn it!” he yelled, “How many times should I tell you this? & I certainly didn’t take your soul. I wouldn’t take it even if you had one, you worthless psycho scum! You must have sold it to the devil, to try & revive that girl of yours!”

  1. Vidya says:

    Good narration 🙂
    loved this line : “You’re the only patient in this mental hospital,”… hahaha….

    • surysingh says:

      Thanks! I thought nobody liked this coz of it’s very weird confusing plot… Keep laughing at my PJs 🙂

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